Beauford and Slim Unchained

I have to ever remind myself not to take myself too seriously. Among the better traditions of East Ridge, Beauford and Slim ranks very high.

Slim: I am just returning from Church and heard this interesting story about Phil:

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.  She said, “I have a praise.  Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.  The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.
“Phil was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain.  We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil’s scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.”
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.
“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time his scrotum should recover completely.”
All the men sighed with unified relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.  He said, “I’m Phil.”
The entire congregation held its breath.
“I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.”

____Thank you Apple

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Beauford: Slim, you remember Lyn Turner from Arkansas?, Slim: Sure,

Beauford: Well he was telling me about the time the village bought a cow:

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk.
The people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Mansfield, Ohio, for $200.00.
They bought the cow from Ohio and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side.”
The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, “Did you buy this cow in Ohio?”
The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow.
“You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow in Ohio?”
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, “My wife is from Ohio.

__ Thank you Apple again